Dedicated to Dave

Photo by Alexandra Malek of Dandy lions Media

It’s been four months since my best friend, Dave, passed away.  I started creating this website just before that, and had to put it on hold for a few months to heal, integrate and transition.  I honestly don’t know if I’ve “healed” from the absence of his physical presence.  It’s more like that I’ve just acclimated to him not being around.  I think about him daily, and although the tears have stopped for the most part, I’d say around once per day I find myself muttering “…damnit Dave.”

I say this under my breath when I recall a particular beautiful/insane experience we shared together and remember he’s not here to delight in the absurdity of it with me, or when I realize I can’t text him to see what he thinks about a new silly idea I have for Soul Palace that I’m sure would tickle him pink, or when I become aware we won’t be driving the UHaul together down to Desert Hearts for our 4th year since Soul Palace’s birth. 

So far people are right when they say that the pain of losing a loved one doesn’t go away, but it does get easier. Now that my website is finished, I’m truly able to reflect that this is evidence I actually am moving through this experience.  It’s proof to me that I’m okay and it’s going to be okay.

We only knew each other for less than 3 years, but Dave was by far the most influential person in my adult life.  I wouldn’t be who I am without him; I especially wouldn’t be The Space Queen. He lit my soul on fire and was the catalyst for my creative and spiritual awakening.  He was the first person who REALLY encouraged me to follow my heart and follow my highest excitement, whenever possible (preferably all the time).  He made me feel like I was amazing at creating spaces, that the universe is infinitely abundant and magical, and just in general encouraged me to believe that I could be, do or have anything I desired if I set my heart to it.  I feel incredibly lucky to have experienced such a bright, beaming light of never ending support and encouragement, right by my side at all times. I think for many of us sometimes all we need is that one person to affirm our path, and it’ll keep us on course with a particular energy and confidence we didn’t have previously.

And the thing is, he didn’t just say things superficially to make people feel better, he REALLY meant them.  He meant them from the deepest depths of his soul. I knew this from the countless times he would continue to rave about someone after they had left the room. He impacted so many in this way - he could see you for your raw beauty, gifts and talents and made sure that you felt seen when you were with him.  He asked you to dream as big as you could, and then did what he could to help you get those dreams in motion.

I don’t understand why he had to leave so early. 

In eternal gratitude for the ways he shaped me into becoming the person that writes these words, I’ve decided I’m dedicating my life’s work to Dave.  

And what does that mean exactly? For me, it means I’m going to consciously bring his spirit to life however it makes sense through my spaces and through my art.  He brought me to life, so I’ll bring his spirit to life whenever possible. I’ll create spaces that touch the soul, that encourage people to live an unabashedly authentic life as he did, and to follow their dreams fearlessly.  I’ll strive to create spaces that make you feel a certain kinda way and have a lasting effect on you, just like how Dave and only Dave could make me feel certain intense feelings exclusive to his presence. It means spreading wild colors, glitter beards and $2 bills around.  It means sharing a message of love, and loving hard.  It means providing space to connect to that inner child inside that wants to be seen and expressed and played with. It means encouraging a life filled with passion, a voice that speaks truth, and an abundantly giving heart.  There’s so much more to it, but I’ll just have to see how he manifests.

Whatever art I create, whatever space I curate, I’ll make sure you live on through it in some way, Dave.

xo Bailey